Personal Healing and Parenting Program

Program Overview

MFS Personal Healing and Parenting Program provides personal power tools and skills that may be adapted to bring about change in self, family and community. It is a pilot program designed to identify and begin the healing of the continuum of abuses that occur in our society. When “parenting” is mentioned in our community, the loss of our parenting skills is always discussed. There have been a lot of outside influences that have affected and will continue to affect our people, such as the boarding schools, the changing of traditional lifestyle…we could list endlessly.

Throughout the program, elders and parents will share their parenting histories and how these experiences affect how we deal with our children today. The program also looks at ways to heal ourselves, live effectively in two cultures, maintain a balance in our lives, express feelings and treat others with self-assured respect.

The MFS Personal Healing and Parenting Program main objective is to balance individual centre of wholeness — Mental, Physical, Emotional and Spiritual. (The Wheel of Life)

It will encourage parents to:
• Develop self-esteem
• Regain the respect we once treasured as our heritage
• Change the way we deal with violence that affects self and family as a whole
• Develop spiritual growth as well as pride and strength towards a healthier attitude
• Learn traditional and positive parenting skills

The Program will include:
• Pre-program Briefings to referral agencies, participants and community
• Discussion and liaison with local elders and healers
• Interviews with program candidates and selection of participants
• Administration of pre- and post-tests
• Graduation honouring ceremony and celebration
• Program evaluations by the participants
• Feedback and follow-up
• One to one counseling and support
• Parent Progress Conferencing with MCFD if required or requested

Program Content

Section 1: Traditional Parenting

A) The Traditional Native Family
Purpose: By exploring the traditions passed on by our ancestors we see how important and powerful our family and family values are.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are some ways family members can help each other? What are some of the helpful things your parents did for you?
2. What are some of the aspects of a healthy family?
3. What are some of our family traditions?

B) Living in Two Cultures
Purpose: To investigate what makes our cultures unique and how they help us live conscious and healthy lives. If we see that we live in two cultures, it is important to see how we can make them both work together to promote a healthy life.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are some of the traditions and values from each culture that you have in our family?
2. How can we and our children benefit from the two cultures we live in?
3. What parts of each culture do you want to incorporate into your life?
4. Who are your family’s role models? Do you have people that represent healthy parenting in your life?
5. Who are the people in your community that help you parent your children?

C) Our History as Parents
Purpose: If we understand who we were, we can make choices about who we want to be?
Topics of Discussion:
1. What do you know about the First Nations parenting? What are some events in history that have affected First Nations parenting? What are some events in history that have affected First Nations parenting?
2. What are some events in your own history that have impacted your own parenting?
3. What are some things that affect parenting in your community?
4. How does acknowledging these events help you understand your parenting?

D) Family of Origin
Purpose: If we understand the patterns of behaviour in our original family we can understand more about the patterns we choose for our own families.
“When we speak of the healing of memories, it does not mean that we can forget those memories: but rather once we have worked on healing them, we are able to still remember them without the pain associated with them.” (In the Spirit of the
Family, National Native Association of Treatment Directors, Calgary, Alberta, 1989, p. 207).
1. What are some events that have shaped you and your family?
2. List some positive things you can do to help yourself and others deal with painful memories.
3. What are some positive things from your family of origin that you want to bring to your new family?

E) Birth Order
Purpose: Birth order affects what roles we have in the family, how we form relationships and our behaviour. By understanding our own and our children’s birth order we can respond to that reality consciously.
Topics for Discussion:
1. What is your birth order (oldest, middle, youngest)? Form a group with people of the same order and discuss what it was like.
2. what we the advantages and disadvantages?
3. how does our children’s birth order affect them? What can you do to respond to that positively? How do you treat your children differently based on their birth order?

F) Determining Our Values
Purpose: The more we know about our personal values and the more we practice using them, the easier it is to make a value judgment. We can also role model values to our children so that they can use them in their own lives.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What does the word “values” mean to you? Why do you think they are important?
2. Where did you learn your values?
3. which values are the most important to you? Which ones do you want your children to learn, and how do you think you can do this?
4. What values are important to your parenting?
5. Read the Cree values.

G) Responsibilities of Parents
Purpose: If we want what is expected of us as parents, we can build plans to help us fulfill our roles and designate tasks.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are some potential tasks that need to be done for the wellbeing of your family? What are the basic needs that you need to provide for your family?
2. How have you learnt to perform the tasks that you already do?
3. How can you learn how to perform the tasks that you don’t know how to do?
4. What would you like to change after this discussion?

Section 2: Interpersonal Skills

A) Communication
Purpose: Communication helps us run a family smoothly. Healthy communication contains a clear message, an acknowledgement that the message was heard and a response.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What is active listening?
2. Why is listening important?
3. What are different ways to communicate?
4. Practice non-violent communication.
5. How to apply “I” messages.
6. What are some negative/positive talking habits?

B) Problem Solving and Decision Making
Purpose: When the family engages in problem solving and decision making together, the actions are often better than when they do these things alone.
Topics of Discussion:
1. The steps of problem solving
2. Making personal problem solving charts
3. Teaching problem solving to your kids

Section 3: Understanding the Child

A) Understanding Children’s Behaviour
Purpose: When we look into the why’s and when’s of children’s behaviour, we find new perspectives which help us respond productively to the behaviours.
Topics of Discussion:
1. List some examples of positive behaviour and misbehaviour
2. What are some situations in your family that you would like the group to investigate?
3. What are some situations you could use the STEP to identify and respond to your children’s behaviour?

B) Role Modeling
Purpose: Role modeling is setting examples that teach others. If we become aware of what we are role modeling then we can use it to teach the important lessons we wish to teach others.
Topics of Discussion:
1. Think of some times when you remind yourself of your parents.
2. What area the “do’s” and “don’ts” to remember from your parents?
3. Which ones do you want to keep and teach to your children?
4. What do you want to role model to your children?

C) The Skill of Encouraging
Purpose: By encouraging our children we can help them develop courage, fulfillment, responsibility, social interest, and a feeling of acceptance from others.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are some ways to encourage children?
2. What are some realistic expectations and some unrealistic expectations?
3. What are some ways to raise self-esteem?
4. Use some of the cartoons to discuss how people can reinforce positive behaviour. How do you keep positive for your children when you are feeling discouraged?

D) Boundaries and Consequences
Purpose: When we are clear with our children, we can help them choose positive behaviours.
Topics of Discussion:
1. How can you state expectations and boundaries clearly to your children?
2. How can you use your problem solving skills to decide what is an appropriate consequence?
3. The role of consistency in managing behaviour.
4. How to use a behaviour contract with your children.

Section 4: Managing Challenging Behaviours

A) Challenging Behaviours
1. What are the challenging behaviours in your family?
2. What do you think are the sources of these behaviours?
3. What are some ways that other parents have found to deal with these behaviours?

B) Sibling Rivalry
Purpose: If we understand why children fight, it helps us respond to the disputes fairly.
Topics of Discussion:
1. When do your children fight? What is it usually about?
2. Think about what we have learnt about feelings, developmental stages and rights. Nows use this to interpret some of the sibling fights your children have.
3. Take some time to role play a fight. Two participants are children fighting and one participant is the parent trying to help them solve it.

C) Substance Abuse Awareness
Purpose: To look at different models for preventing substance abuse and its effects on families.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are the different substances that are available in the community?
2. What are some ways to deal with substance abuse positively (i.e. harm reduction, AA, abstinence)?
3. What are some positive activities that you could do with your family to replace addictive behaviours?
4. What are your coping skills, and how do you model them for your children?

D) FASD
Purpose: To prevent FAS in new babies, and to help parents deal with the challenges of raising a child with FASD.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What is the best way to prevent FASD?
2. What is the symptomology of FASD?
3. How can we meet the needs of children with FASD?
Section 5: Childhood Development and Children’s Success

A) Stages of Childhood Development
Purpose: If we understand childhood development, then we can adjust the way we interact with our children to meet their developmental needs. It also helps us see what we can expect from our children.
Topics of Discussion:
1. Where are your children on the developmental chart?
2. What are some activities that you can do with your child that fit their developmental level?
3. Are there any delays or advances that you see in your child’s development?

B) Traditional Native Family Tasks In Raising Children
Purpose: Traditions and traditional roles help us understand what needs to be done and what our roles are in raising a family.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are different things that families can do to help their children develop at
i. 1-5 years
ii. 6-11 years
iii. 12-15 years
iv. 15-20 years
2. What can families do to help between transitions in development?

C) The Child’s Role in the Family
Purpose: If we understand the rights, responsibilities and privileges of our children and help them understand their roles, we reduce conflict and encourage maturity.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are the 1) rights, 2) responsibilities, 3) privileges of your children?
2. How does understanding these help you parent your children?
3. What can you do to make these consistent in your family?

D) Promoting Success At School
Purpose: If we understand our own and our children’s learning styles we can help them learn how to learn and be successful.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are the different styles of learning?
2. What are some different teaching tools that you can use with your children?
3. How can you work with your children’s teachers to promote their success?
4. What are some of the challenges that your children have with learning?

Section 6: Mental Health Issues

A) Stress Management
Purpose: If we learn how to manage to decrease our stress levels we can let joy and relaxation into our family life.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What is the cycle of stress?
2. What are the physical effects of stress?
3. What are some ways to deal with stress?

B) Grief and Loss
Purpose: To help understand the cycle of grief so that families can heal through loss.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are the stages of grief?
2. What are some of the ways you have been taught to deal with loss?

F) Learning Challenges
Purpose: When we understand learning styles and learning challenges we support our children’s learning better.
Topics of Discussion:
1. Types of Learning Disabilities
2. The different learning styles. We can do the learning styles test to promote awareness.
3. What were some of our greatest learning challenges? Where do you/your child feel insecurities about learning and education?
4. How can you develop a plan for helping your children with their homework?

G) The Cycle of Abuse
Purpose: To create awareness of the cycle of abuse in order to empower families to stop it.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What is the cycle of abuse?
2. What are the basic human rights?
Section 7: Health and Nutrition

A) Family’s Basic Needs
Purpose: If we can identify our family’s basic needs, we can create a plan to provide for them.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are the basic needs of your family? (Discuss Maslow’s Hierarchy)
2. How do you provide for those needs?
3. What are the needs that you struggle to provide for?
4. What are the b arriers that prevent you from providing for those needs?

B) Health Concerns that happen in a family
Purpose: By educating ourselves about health issues, we can create a healthy family.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are some of the common health issues that come up for your family?
2. How do you deal with communicable diseases?
3. What type of health care does your family get?
4. Where are some good sources of information on health?

C) Nutrition
Purpose: Nutrition helps us function in this world. Choosing a healthy diet for your family can prevent a lot of health problems.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What does nutrition look like in your family?
2. Where do you get a lot of your recipes?
3. How does sugar affect your children’s behaviours?
4. What are some nutritional goals you would like for your family?

Section 8: Positive Parenting

A) Self Esteem
Purpose: To use the medicine wheel to balance the different aspects of our life and identity. If we learn to nurture our self-esteem, we can model positive self-esteem our children.
Topics of Discussion:
1. Body Awareness — What is your physical self?
2. Self-concept: What do you think about yourself and your potential?
3. Self-esteem: how do you feel about yourself and your ability to grow and change?
4. Self-determination: how do you use your will to actualize your physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual potential?
5. List some circumstances that could cause you stress.
6. List ways that you can take care of yourself.
7. How do you want to start to investigate the different aspects of yourself?

B) Understanding Emotions and Expressing Feelings
Purpose: If we start to understand the complexity of our emotions and how they affect our lives, we can learn to put them into perspective, and how to deal with them appropriately. When we learn to related to our emotions in a healthy way, we feel more in control and more balanced.
Topics of Discussion:
1. Create an art piece that describes a childhood experience which holds emotions for you.
2. Bring that piece to the group and share it.
3. Discuss the following statement: “In the past, because of the Traditional Lifestyle, it was not as critical to deal with emotions in the same manner as we need to do today”
4. Discuss the Emotions chart.
5. Discuss the emotional compatibility and do Myer’s Briggs test.
6. What are some of the things about your children’s personalities that you struggle with?

C) Respect and Differentiation
Purpose: To understand respect as a feeling of honour towards someone, consider their wellbeing, and to treat them with courtesy. Differentiation is getting to know one’s self, to untangle yourself from the feelings, expectations and habits of others in order to create a whole/individual self.
Topics of Discussion:
1. What are some ways you respect others, some ways you respect yourself?
2. How are you different than others around you? What are some situations that you have taken a different position than others?
3. Meeting your children’s needs

D) Meeting your children’s needs
Purpose: If we understand our children’s needs, and learn to recognize them, we have a better chance of giving them what they need.
Topics of Discussion:
1. Medicine Wheel
2. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
3. How can you nurture your child’s emotional, spiritual, physical and mental needs?

E) Anger Management
Purpose: Learning to related healthily with our emotions can help us shape our children’s behaviour in most positive ways.
Topics of Discussion
1. What are some emotions, what do you think their uses are?
2. What are the different stages of anger? (Using anger mountain as a model)
3. What kinds of behaviours trigger you?
4. What is assertiveness and how is it different from aggressiveness?
5. What are healthy boundaries?
How does stress affect how you deal with your and your children’s emotions?